Friday, June 15, 2012

marriage, alone, boxes


Marriage doesn't mean you're always together. It means there are times when you're alone. Especially if one of the spouses is a military member. For annual training, Jason will have been gone for 16 days [the longest we've been apart so far in our marriage]. I visited him twice in those 16 days, which was really nice.

But with the aloneness comes some... out-of-the-norm behavior. Here's what me being alone for 16 days means:

- Bumming off of other people or constantly eating out because I dont want to make a meal just for me. Unless it's a TV dinner which makes me feel like crap afterward.

- Cupcakes from friends (Julianne, they were my true solace. you'll never know how much those cupcakes meant to me).

- It means getting to the verge of crazy.... when you're thinking its nice to have something waiting for you at home. Even if it is just dark chocolate klondike bars. Doesn't mean they aren't looking forward to being consumed, right??

- Being completely overwhelmed when it seems like a million bugs are invading your home. "How will I kill all these bugs?! *almost has a breakdown, starts breathing heavily*... "Oh! Vacuum! SUCK UP ALL THE BUGS! MUHAHA"
[ by the way, babe... the first item on your "honey-do" list will be to empty out the bug crypt... aka, the vacuum canister. I dont do dead bodies. That's your thing. ]

- It means having dreams of cuddling with your spouse, only to wake up and realize he's not there.

- It means soaking up sunlight with your best girl friends.

- And laughing at your the internet with your sister.

- It means grabbing random weapons when you hear odd noises.
Or even taking said weapons with you into the bathroom while you shower. I feel most vulnerable in the shower. Anything could happen.

- It also means getting to watch so many movies that your husband didn't want to watch... like American Psycho... The Machinist... hmm... prolly not the best choices when alone. No nightmares so far, so that's good.

- ...it also means binge movie buying... o.O

- It means considering trying to find a volleyball to put your handprint on to make friends with [maybe call him wilson?]... and creep your husband out with when he gets home.

Aaaahh, yes. Being alone drives you to a place of insanity.

But something serious I would like to say is - a lot of young couples who are considering marriage or are already married [like us] don't really realize how much of an adjustment it is to get married.

In talking with a dear friend of mine....a friend of hers recently got married and was saying what an adjustment was, she wanted to get my perspective on it...
I don't know how I came up with this analogy on the spot, but I'm thanking God for it, because it actually helped me understand marriage better.

When you're single you have all these boxes. One box for school, one for job, another for dating, one for family, and another for finances.

When you're married, all of those boxes go inside ONE BIG BOX labeled "marriage". Your boxes are not even yours anymore.
It's not just your problems anymore, it's our problems. It's not just your family anymore, it's our family. It's not just your finances anymore, it's our finances. And guess what... you have to COMMUNICATE about all this stuff properly.

So that's the adjustment.

Also, being married doesn't mean you'll be around each other all the time. Actually, you're really not around each other much unless neither of you have jobs or any hobbies.
Even when Jason and I do get to spend time with each other, sometimes we are spending that time together alone... if that makes any sense. He will be playing video games and I'll be on pinterest. He'll be reading a book while I'm blogging. He will be making mandalorian armor while I'm painting a lamp.
Marriage doesn't mean you'll automatically always want to do the same thing all the time with one another. You're still two separate individuals living as one flesh, one cohesive unit. You've gotta do whatcha gotta do to make that work. Sometimes that means taking a walk by yourself to sort out your thoughts.

But what marriage does mean is learning to love one another through the challenges. Learning more about yourself through another person. Learning how to better yourself, not try to change the other person. Learning how to work as a team. Learning how to help each other and help the people around you.

It's not easy by any means. There have definitely been times where I thought, "No wonder there will never be world peace, we can't even properly communicate with each other, and we're husband and wife! How would enemies possibly manage it?"

But nothing can replace marriage! Even when you're alone for 16 days.

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